Self Disclosure of a LOVE (in MIND)

First I must Thank God for allowing me to connect with this new outlet of mine.  I will not deny that at first, my intention was to blog so that I could generate some additional income to keep a roof over my head, but the more I write, the more I am discovering myself, and becoming FREE!

Enough said, lets carry on shall we?  This morning I had awakened to a movie playing on HBO called ‘Brown Sugar’ with Tae Diggs, Sanaa Lathan, and Queen Latifah.  There is not much more I can write about this movie that has not already been said, I just know that watching it this morning impacted me greatly, enough to feel that I must share what I got out as a result of the movie, and how it’s beginning to heal me.  Quite frankly, when you read it at first blush, you will think what the heck does this have to do with the movie?  I will try my best to tie it all up in a neat package for you.  Sort of like a gift to my readers, as I believe that someone who needs to read this will, and perhaps it will make an impact on YOU, the way the movie impacted me.  It’s my biggest prayer for those of you that like me, still hold on to Love no matter what the circumstance.

So as I was watching the end of the Movie when Tae’s character is speaking on the phone to Sanaa’s character while she is at HOT 97’s Radio Station in New York, promoting her book that she wrote with his character in mind, a flood of emotions came over me, thinking of how much I have longed to have someone think about me, love me and find their way to me and tell me how much they have loved me for so long.  Then my conversation started with God, it has not been very often that I have had these conversations with God where I demand to know the whys and it gets a bit heated.  As I am growing in Christ, I am learning that it is okay to get angry, it’s okay to shout and it’s okay to ask Why?

Then it came to me

For the last 12 years I have held someone prisoner in my mind and therefore in my heart.  In doing so, I was held prisoner too!  Have you ever felt that you met someone and knew you just had to have them?  Where you ever so lucky, that your desire just corresponded with the alignment of the Universe and POW!!!  The next thing you know, you share your first kiss and then I will leave you to complete the rest.  I have to keep it PG folks as I know my sister’s head is about to fall off, (as she would probably say that I am sharing too much about myself) but I need to do this for me. 
This is my way of paroling him from my heart and my mind so that I can be free to love again. 

For the past 12 years, the longest movie has played in my mind, but sadly it met with a tragic ending.  No, no one died, just the intensity of what we had once shared.  Have you ever felt that you had the one that got away?  For the last 12 years I have felt that way, but I consoled myself by keeping my cherished moments to myself constantly replaying in my mind, the way he looked, the way he carried himself, the smell of his cologne and an intoxicating confidence that just gripped me from across the room the day we met and compelled me to declare that I must have him! 
Did I conquer?  Yes, for that brief moment in time, I did.  Little did I know that the residual effects from what seemed to be such a magical time would repeatedly conquer me and any future endeavors until today.  On Facebook today, one of the teacher’s of The Secret posted this message, I knew that once I read it, God answered me and validated all that I am sharing with you now.  
This is what Bob Proctor shared and may it bring you validation as I feel that the truths that we discover we must share as someone somewhere is needing validation as well.

“Unfortunately, the vast majority of people spend their days either living in the dead past
or
the imagined future.

This sort of mental activity cheats a person out of the most precious time we have ...

 NOW

 Give everything you have to what you are doing NOW and life will richly reward you.”

Reading this again, as I cut and paste it bring a great deal of Joy to me, I wish you can see me; I am having a true OPRAH moment for sure!  No truer words have been said to me, than the words that I am seeing now (other than the bible of course), but I believe that God uses us as instruments so that we may share our lives, our truths (as we see them) so that they may heal the wounds of many as well as our own.

Saying Good Bye,

As you walk through the long corridor of my mind, and the steel doors close behind you with a thunderous clang, I see your silhouette disappear before me, freeing you, freeing me, so that I may find Love again.  I want to thank you for the lessons that you have taught me as they have served me well, but your memory no longer serves me in the present.  I will love you always and forever with all of my heart, and I pray that someday this somehow comes your way so that you accept my apology for holding you prisoner for so long in my mind.

 I release you with All of my Love G.A.S.

God Bless!  

Okay,,, I am officially Single!!

Let the Loving Begin!

This is what Liberation looks like

J

Setting up the Lemonade Stand

This something that I have been wanting to do for quite some time but not really sure how to do it.  I am really excited about this venture because I feel that putting it out into the Universe will increase the chances that all that I am setting out to do will come true (of course with GOD at the controls!)

I am Monica, a single mom of a beautiful 6 (however she will tell you she is 6 and 3/4's) year old girl, who has decided to take some advice that my sister gave me a long time ago when I was facing some tough times.  She told me just make Lemonade!

If you choose to read it, Great!  If you don't well oh well..  I am confident that someone will.  I only expect good things to come out of this, what ever becomes a bump in the road, well I will just pull over, put up my stand and make some Lemonade!

Okay, so I am smiling right now because I see where I am going with this.  I did not know where I was going to start, but I just decided to allow myself to go with the flow.  I am not a celebrity by any means, at least not yet.  So I am at peace with the fact that I will not skyrocket to stardum, but if Oprah Winfrey says my name at least once in my life, I will be happy.

While makin' my Lemonade, you will get a first hand glance at what the "ingredient" will be for that day.  What makes me "Pucker" or what makes me "Smack my Lips"!

Hmmm??? Ingredient you wonder???  Pucker??   Lip Smackin'???  Is dem fight'n words??  No,,,,,  Just a little bit of my humor coming out.  Here are my definitions:

Ingredient:  Topic of the Day.  Good or Bad.  Things that made me smile or challenged me.  Most importantly, did I make Lemonade out of it?  How was it?

Pucker:  I don't like very bitter things so therefore my association with the word "pucker" is dislike hence "things that make me Pucker"

Smack my lips:  When ever this term is heard, well it's a no brainer, just means that it's sooooo good! There you go!!  Are you ready?

So already, I have found something that makes me Pucker!  I have jumped on that wave that many of us Struggling Americans have found themselves on called couponing.  I consider this a blessing simply because being a single mother has forced me to try to take other angles to make ends meet, heck, SURVIVE!  The only problem that I have is that I think some people are getting out of control with it.  Yes, I understand stock piling, Yes I understand buying in mass quantities especially if the intent is to share one's goodies with their local food bank per se'.  However, when one does it because they just want to, well I have an issue with it.  Why would you need 50+ bottles of one condiment just because you have the same amount of coupons for it?  Seriously do you eat that many sandwiches that you need that much?  I think what turned me off most is the well "lets just clear off the shelf " attitude.  That just makes me Pucker! 

So tell me what is your spin on this?  If you had 50 coupons for the same thing, would you clear the shelf or would you leave some for the next person?

Lets Make Lemonade!